I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
