You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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