I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
