An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
