My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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