everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
