Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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