So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
