Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
