White coat. Heels.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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