these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
