My hand turned me down
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
