I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
