Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
