I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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