Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
