I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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