So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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