He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
