Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
are you so shy because you have an std?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
