I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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