took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
