Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
