Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
