I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
