a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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