Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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