No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
