she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
