meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
