i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
