Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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