I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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