I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
