That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize