I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
