Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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