..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
