Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize