Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
