You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
