I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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