I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize