So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
