Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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