I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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