im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize