I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
