he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
