apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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