Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
