haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
