My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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