im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
