I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
