Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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