i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize