I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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