Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
