I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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