grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
