If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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