Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
